How To Overcome Anxiety Before Sexual Intercourse


sex anxiety

If you feel worried and anxious about your performance in bed, then you really don’t have much of a chance. This is called performance anxiety and many men deal with it constantly. Performance anxiety in bed will effectively block your body from doing what it naturally knows how to do best – which is have amazing sex.

In order for you to overcome performance anxiety in bed and have incredible sex, you must learn new ways of dealing with performance anxiety. Once you learn how to overcome performance anxiety in bed, you can take action and actually start improving in the bedroom sexually.

Sound good to you? Of course it does!  I was once in your same shoes, so believe me when I say that it is very possible and easier than you think to overcome performance anxiety and start enjoying satisfying sexual experiences.

How to Overcome Performance Anxiety by Focusing on Your Breathing

Pause for a moment to think about what taking a single breath is really all about.  When you take a breath, you are providing your body with the life that it needs. If you stop breathing you die. Sounds pretty common sense, which it is.  But take a deeper look into what breathing is all about and suddenly you will realize just how powerful your breaths really are. In fact, by changing how you breathe you can successfully overcome performance anxiety in bed.

By breathing differently, you will allow your body to have great sex. The following breathing practice is incredibly simple, yet amazingly effective. You can start using this technique right now to overcome performance anxiety in the bedroom.

Right now I want you to take a long deep breath. Make it a slow deep breath and focus 100% of your attention on the breath.  Feel the breath enter your mouth and nose and travel down your throat into your lungs. Expand your diaphragm fully and give attention to how your body feels.

Release the breath by exhaling slowly. Feel the air traveling back up out of your lungs and through your throat. Feel it exiting your mouth and nostrils. Give 100% of your attention and focus to how it feels.

Repeat this for the next 5 minutes. Give all of your attention to the breath. When I say all of your attention, I really mean all of your attention. What you are doing here is practicing how to get your attention away from your anxiety and worry about sexual performance, and instead place your attention simply on your breathing.

So for the next 5 minutes, simply sit where you are and focus on your breathing.  One long breath in, and one long exhale out.   Give 100% of your attention and focus to each breath.

Use this Practice Before Sex and During Sex

The next time you and your partner get intimate, be sure to remember the above-mentioned breathing technique. I recommend using it as soon as you begin getting intimate with your partner. Doing so will help you remain in the moment, avoid performance anxiety and allow your body to do what it naturally knows how to do best, which is have great sex.

Do not think about what you should, or shouldn’t be doing. Avoid thinking things such as “what if I don’t last long enough?”  You don’t have to worry about anything, because you are simply focusing on your breathing.

Inhale and feel your breath entering your body. When you do this during foreplay you will actually feel an enjoyable sensation down around your genitals as your breath flows down your throat into your lungs. It is as if you are breathing life into your genitals, which is essentially exactly what you are doing.

Exhale out and feel your breath leaving your body.  Your genitals will relax as you exhale out but they will remain “alive” and eagerly awaiting your next breath in. Give 100% of your focus on your breathing.  Avoid thinking about prior experiences with performance anxiety in bed and do not focus on anything except your breathing. Pay close attention to how each breath feels and focus solely on that.

If you can do this you will instantly experience an improvement in how you have sex. With practice, you will quickly begin to overcome performance anxiety. After just one or two sexual sessions in which you focus on your breathing, instead of your anxieties, you will gain the confidence you have so always wanted to have. Your sexual life will change for the better!

I did this last night with amazing results. By focusing on my breathing my partner and I were able to share in one of the most memorable experiences either of us have had in quite some time. It’s a beautiful thing and the experience has flowed into this morning. I can still feel some of the feelings I felt last night, now nearly 12 hours ago. It truly is wonderful and well worth your time and effort now to learn how you can do this for yourself.

Remember to not become discouraged the first few times you try this.  As with anything else in life, mastering this breathing technique will take time and practice.

Help Your Boyfriend Overcome Performance Anxiety

Often times a woman may try to help her boyfriend overcome performance anxiety. Sometimes us guys forget that performance anxiety not only affects us, but it affects our partners as well. By just taking a look at Google searches it is easy to see that many women are searching for information about how to help their boyfriend overcome performance anxiety.

In my experience, women sometimes believe that their boyfriend’s performance anxiety was caused by something the woman did or didn’t do. On the other end of the spectrum some men assure their girlfriends that the performance anxiety is entirely their problem and that the woman plays no role in his performance in the bedroom. I believe the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

How to Help Your Boyfriend Overcome Performance Anxiety

At its most basic level, sex is meant to be experienced in the present moment, in the here and now. Yet for many people, the ability to live fully present in this very moment is lacking. Much of the time our minds are running at 100 miles per hour, and we have trouble when we try to stop thinking and simply be here, present in the moment.

If you’re boyfriend is experiencing performance anxiety in bed, then he is not living 100% in the present moment.

His mind is focused on something else, whether he realizes this or not. For example, he may be focused on not losing his erection which ends up causing him to lose his erection. A better way for him to not lose his erection would be for him to just breathe and remain in the moment, without thinking.

Help Him Remain in the Moment

Instead of trying to explain all of this to your boyfriend verbally, try taking action and bringing your boyfriend into the present moment with you. Odds are he won’t even realize that you are trying to help him, which is the goal. Take action to help yourself as a woman, instead of trying to be your boyfriend’s therapist.

Breathing Exercise #1

Since having great sex requires two people being fully present in the moment-in the here and now your goal will be to bring yourself and your boyfriend into the present moment. To do this, try the following exercise:

  1. Sit across from your boyfriend on the floor or on a bed and look into his eyes.
  2. Have your boyfriend open his palms and place your hands lightly on top of your boyfriend’s open palms. Let your fingertips rest on his and let there be a cushion of air between your palms.
  3. Together, breath inwardly in a relaxing fashion and fill your lungs with oxygen. Keep eye contact with your boyfriend and feel the breath filling your lungs.
  4. Hold the breath for a moment and feel its energy throughout your body, down your arms and fingertips. Feel the sensation of your fingertips against his and be aware that you are sharing this moment in time with another person.
  5. Close your eyes if you’d like and exhale slowly, feeling the oxygen exit your lungs, into your oesophagus and out your mouth. Notice any changes in how your fingertips feel against his and are aware that you both are sharing this present moment together.
  6. Repeat the exercise for as long as feels right, with no expectations but to relax and remain together, fully present in the moment.

This exercise may naturally lead to sex, but it doesn’t have to. The only goal is to feel the present moment more fully. As the girlfriend, focus on doing this for yourself first. If you can live more in the present moment yourself, your boyfriend’s ability to live in the present moment will improve naturally, on its own, without any preaching or “therapy work” on your behalf.

What to do Next?

The above exercise is a great place to start. Remember that you are not trying to cure your boyfriend of performance anxiety, you are simply helping your boyfriend remain more fully in the present moment. Living more fully in the present moment will, over the course of time, lead to improved sexual performance and much more powerful and satisfying sexual experiences for the two of you.

Yet in a surprising number of situations, the man in the relationship is so lost with regards to his sexual performance that he needs a helping hand with understanding why he is having trouble.